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Week 8/Saturday THE FINAL PRACTICE

Today I am considering the things my life would be poorer for if I didn't have the opportunity to experience them. At 11AM I'm skating 15 or so feet in front of a paceline of girls who are taking turns skating up and hip/body checking me. The looks on everyone's faces as they come at you is the absolute best. Most girls are smiling just prior to checking you with all they have and throwing you off balance. It's super cool how much you can be aware of in that teeny moment as you watch them approach. The sound of both of your breaths, your itchy elbow pad that seriously needs to be washed, the whoosh of everyone's wheels, what the approaching skater has on, the voices of the coaches and other skaters. I especially love noticing what color mouthguards people have in that split second before they slam you.

An hour and a half later it's 12:30 PM at home, and I'm holding my daughter, softening myself and clearing all remnants of hardening and impact out of my system as she drifts off to sleep, sighing and cuddly, resting her head on my chest. She's a tiny steamroller, loud as an air raid siren, fearless, strong willed, constantly squirming and twisting to be let go so she can be free and wreak havoc so this is a rare moment of calm and I'm soaking it up.

I'm also thinking about how important it is in derby and daily life to stay fully present in the moment,allow yourself to be aware of and relish every detail. It's those details that make things really tasty. It's marvelous how completely opposite these two experiences of my day are, and the opportunities for adaptation they offer me.It is so easy to allow yourself to become overly comfortable and fixed in your habits. Living or skating this way leaves no room for growth or exploration, and although shifting gears is not always easy, a life like that would make me miserable. In one derby practice or a few hours of my daily life the necessity to switch gears, shift focus and regroup are plentiful. Although they bring out different facets of my personality and require unique skills there are a lot of parallels between my momming/derby existences, and I believe they very strongly complement each other. I'm realizing that for me a lot of life is about how we weather the unexpected and how skilled we are at adapting.

We worked a ton today on more aggressively blocking and I have to admit I was intimidated, questioning myself and whether I'm tough enough to handle this sport and all the unexpected impact that can occur during a bout. I am really not a very aggressive person. When I was studying karate sparring was always challenging for me. Eventually I got used to it the more I sparred but not without a ton of effort. This is precisely why I believe derby is an excellent activity for me. It goes against the grain of my habitual approach to life and my interactions with others. Although it's usually surprising and never easy I'm used to falling and getting back up in my life and with my skating. Each time I pick myself up and begin again or receive a terrifically powerful check I realize how strong I can be. All this physical contact and falling is really good for me. I have always believed that life presents us with the same lesson repeatedly and in many different manifestions until we fully understand. For me, being a bit more aggressive is one of those lessons that keeps coming back to me. I think derby works on a psycho-physical level to teach me more about that, and to study my responses to situations and stimuli that call for more assertiveness.

The countdown begins....only about 53 hours until the test!!! Stay tuned fair readers!! And to show your support for Maraud Lebowski make sure to make one small choice today that goes against your habit!

Week 8

A year ago this week my daughter was born. After a sleepless, rib crushing, breath limiting, indigestion and nausea riddled full 9 months of ridiculous amounts of her dancing, running in place, kicking, stretching, punching, squirming, flipping, pushing and just plain making me tremendously uncomfortable, at 3:33 AM on November 11th she finally performed a water breaking 1 inch punch in utero that Beatrix Kiddo herself would be proud of.

She was born and then proceeded to shriek at us nonstop for a full month. The boy was nothing like this, a fairly comfortable pregnancy and miraculously sleeping through the night at 3 weeks old. I always tell people he tricked me into having a sibling with his good behavior and easy pregnancy. Somehow that little banshee- like, screaming, miserable girl has morphed into a joyful, radiant, constantly giggling and dancing one year old, with twinkly, vibrant, beaming eyes that can melt tungsten. How the heck has a year gone by?? I love that the WFTDA test next Tuesday is so close to her birthday. It will actually mark the one year anniversary of our first night home from the hospital with Oona. It's bonkersville to consider how different I was a year ago. I weighed about 30 pounds more and moved like something resembling an enormous injured penguin, with extreme sciatic pain most days. It's so amazing to be mobile again, doing something extremely athletic and able to breathe, my only real aches and pains induced by a good night of derby practice full of falling, squatting, skating hard, and checking.

There's a lot my one year old and I have in common. And a bunch I can learn from her. For starters, she is an absolute master of the 4 point fall, one of the skills I need to work on and be proficient at for the test that involves falling on your knees and forearms. She also offers me a ton of practice on my recoveries from the ground. I am always up in 2-3 seconds when I am shadowing her because she is constantly, tirelessly on the move and I never get a chance to actually sit longer than that. She's only about 29 inches tall so I get a lot of practice working my deep derby stance as I walk around with her grabbing at my hand, yanking me room to room as she chases after her brother, who I believe is a teeny bit frightened of her mightiness. At times I feel as shaky on my feet as she was learning to sort out her balance and walk, punctuating her movement with falls and stumbles. It's as if I am learning to run right along with her, with the addition of 8 wheels.

This week at practice we went through the test as it will be next week. I am thrilled to report, what was once my nemesis I am beginning to very slowly make peace with. I actually really LOVE plow stops lately, and am beginning to (dare I say it.....) ENJOY jumping.

Last night I skated the dreaded 25 in 5 minutes at 4.24! I definitely need to work on not panicking when I am behind a few other skaters and trying to pass. I cut the track a few times to pass and that is not good, and I'm pretty sure could be a penalty if I was in a bout. (did I mention that I really have to study the rules before the test next week??!?) I am also feeling like I missed out on something not being involved in a team of any sort until this point in my life. The coach who was counting my laps kept watching the clock, talking me through and letting me know how I was doing on my pace. All of these women are awesome, so funny, energetic, positive and encouraging. I finished my laps and a few of the girls came up as I was kneeling there grinning and panting like a freak and high-fived me. I had had a particularly challenging day, with a borderline migraine from when I woke and that simple act of kindness and encouragement seriously made my day. It's very easy to feel disconnected when trapped in the house for a few rainy, cold days with a  2 1/2 year and 1 year old. Skating in a tight pack with a bunch of super cool women is the best remedy I have found for that.

So dear readers, only one more Saturday practice until the test.....think I need end my babbling here for now and start studying my rules.

Week 7 Training/Saturday

Just when I believed I couldn't be any more in love I upgraded my wheels. And it was kind of like this:

Holy cannoli, where do I start??? Plow stops just became 20% easier, I swear they roll much faster, are way more responsive to my weight shifts, and make quick footwork even more fun and easeful with their slightly extra grippiness. To top all that off I had absolutely no idea how vibratory the wheels that came with my skates are. I can't believe I skated on them for 6 weeks with no knowledge of how much more enjoyable my ride could be. I was already having a blast but this is beyond the beyond. These wheels provide a crazy smooth ride. And very similar to Peter Parker, I was slightly afraid of them. For about 5 minutes, then I didn't want to stop skating ever. Seriously, I was so disappointed practice was over.

Crazy crazy amounts of fun.

This week we reviewed a ton in preparation for the WFTDA test.One part of the warm up that was super cool and I just have to babble about involved us skating in a huge circle and then closing the circle in as tight as we could. It was like an amusement park ride, a roller derby version of the ice capades. It was the first time I actually got a little dizzy, but so much fun that I didn't want to stop. I couldn't help thinking how this must be very similar to what the boy experiences when he spins himself like a dervish in the kitchen and is laughing but a tiny bit freaked out and needs to sit down for a moment and regain his balance. Just that awesome whooshing sound of everyone's wheels, the walls of the rink less and less in focus, but the people you are skating with strangely more in focus.

Another exercise we did was to skate 40 laps in 10 minutes as a pack. This was an amazing experience, and the highpoint of my week. The transition we went through from start to finish was extraordinary. We started out as individuals but as we found our pace transformed into this amoeba-like organism, filling in the spaces as we moved, and working as a unit. Did I mention my complete fascination and love of skating in a pack? It is all about maintaining awareness of yourself and your packmates, keeping in contact both visually and physically. Ideally you constantly touch each other, and keep about an arm's distance away. The skaters on the inside will skate a fraction slower, and if you are on the outside edges you really have to do some work crossing over and slightly increasing speed around the corners so you can close the holes up. I love the moments when you are so in sync that you can sense the skater next to you, behind you or in front of you adjusting their pace and you react accordingly. It's like I imagine a pack of mustangs, a school of fish or flock of birds communicates, on some nonverbal level, sensing each other as they move.

We are getting closer and closer to the test. It is one week from tomorrow, and I am feeling very overwhelmed by all the rules and referee hand signals I need to learn. Cross your fingers for me guys, and send good thoughts on November 15th from about 7:15 to 10. 

Week 7/Tuesday

I've been thinking a lot about balance lately. How many times a day and in how many different ways I can be thrown off balance. 

Let's start with the least complicated loss of balance for me....

We're skating in two long pacelines, close enough to the person in front of you that you can touch, and with a 3 or 4 ft space in between the two lines. The skaters at the back of the lines then move forward and hip or body check teammates, swerving back and forth and alternating sides. When you receive a nice, solid check you get thrown off balance, and definitely need to adapt and recover. On the giving checks side of it, if you are not on balance yourself or lining yourself up in the most efficient position as you attempt to deliver one then that is a whole other way of getting thrown off your balance. I feel like at the moment I am stumbling more as a result of this than when I receive a check. It probably sounds a teeny bit whacked, but I much prefer getting checked right now because somehow it's easier for me to adapt. Also, for some reason it's much easier for me to deliver semi decent checks with this drill than when I am skating side by side with a partner attempting it. I'm wondering if it has something to do with coming from slightly behind and having that split second to line yourself up. When I'm side by side I have a real tendency to bump wheels and then I end up going flying instead of the other way around.

Seriously, this training is the most fun I have had in years. I'm bonkers for it. These women are incredible, and it is energizing to be in their company and get to practice all these skills. Not only am I improving as a skater but all this impact/physical loss of balance and falling business is so empowering and incredibly helpful with my momming.

Here's where the loss/recovery of balance becomes much more complex...on any given day I am bombarded with unexplainable tantrums, refusal to eat or put on any number of articles of clothing, shifts in mood that could generate small earthquakes, monumental stubbornness, and just general fussiness. And have I mentioned that my one year old daughter is perhaps the most difficult child in the world to change or wrangle into a carseat? Seriously, it's like mixed martial arts. She is small but oh so mighty. I have bruises from her kicking me or inflicting her vice-like grip. She is a mini derby girl in pre-training, and my inspiration.

So in some strange way this dual existence really works well for me. I experience days where I am deeply doubting my skill as a mom and ability to balance all that can occur in a 10 minute span of time. Real "Calgon-take-me-away" type moments. You know, the pot's boiling over on the stove, the washing machine is leaking water as it spins and shakes, the dog's barking or tracking poop all over the floor where the baby is crawling, the phone and doorbell are ringing, the kid's screaming because you will not allow him to grab the dog's privates, the cat is yowling and/or spewing hairballs and making sounds like she has a demon emerging? Then I allow myself to think about the number of times I lose my balance at practice and somehow order is restored, both in my physical and mental/emotional existence.

The WFTDA test is Tuesday November 15th. Think of me that day from about 8 to 10 PM. Only about 3 or 4 more practices to go. I am psyched to report that I'm gradually assembling a better understanding of the mechanics involved in performing a plow stop. There may actually come a time when I feel comfortable relying on them as a method of stopping. I'm also less and less petrified of jumping, and I manage to get both feet off the ground fairly often. Blocking is coming along, if I can just duct tape my elbows to my torso or fashion some type of double arm sling I should be fine.

Another practice tomorrow morning. Woo hoo!!

Week 7 Training/Sunday

This is very similar to something I did at practice today, and I am super disappointed that no one was filming me.....

Seriously, in my wildest dreams not even remotely. And you, dear reader are surprisingly more gullible than me if you even considered that for a moment. But it does inspire me to begin compiling my super hero wish list:
1. The ability to skate like this guy. And do parkour.
2. When we were watching "Heroes" on TV there was this girl who had the coolest ability I could ever imagine, and as far as super powers go, it seems to me like the only one you would really ever need . She could either just observe a person for moments or watch a video of someone doing ANYTHING and then be able to do whatever she just watched. How awesome is that?? And I guess if I was fortunate enough to acquire this super power we could just go ahead and cancel wish number one.

So today we worked a lot on skating in a pack, plow stopping, booty blocking and hip/body checking. And to be completely honest, I felt like a totally uncoordinated idiot. This was a really challenging day for me. I was sliding all over in my plow stops in the pack, seriously concerned I was going to smack into someone. And then I realized I had all my weight on my big toes and things started to look up when I began putting a bit of weight on my heels too. For those of you who don't skate, a plow stop is when you get your feet out very wide, then turn your toes in and bring them towards each other, deeply bend all your leg joints, stick your butt way out and either bring yourself to a stop or just decrease your speed. It is the absolute safest way to stop in derby, and can also be a really effective way to block/slow down/impede the opposing jammer from passing you and scoring a point. Kind of a tough skill on its own, it becomes even more challenging when you are skating closely in a pack and everyone is plow stopping with their legs out wide. The chances of knocking wheels or tripping over someone's leg are really increased.

I was managing pretty well with the warm up to hip/body checking on my knees side by side with my partner. But today when we got up and worked on this skill while skating I was a total mess. I feel like I'm a fairly decent skater, but it was as if my consciousness had just arrived in my body and had never read the instruction manual. I kept knocking into her wheels and stumbling, or just falling all over myself most times I attempted to get close and hip check her. I did notice that the few solid ones I got in were only when I wasn't completely over thinking the movement or just freezing with that fear in the back of my head that I could potentially stumble yet again. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am a habitual MASSIVE over thinker. There are times that I can work with this personality trait and it serves me spectacularly, and instances like this that it just destroys me. It presents itself on full volume in moments when I really want to understand something, and this was one of those moments. Several times when I actually managed to get the mechanics right and make good contact these damn elbows were knocking into everyone, such a remnant of NY subway riding. That would be a penalty and I would end up in the box. It was really a pretty comical scene, me skating up to people, checking them and then apologizing profusely for throwing yet another elbow. For me this is the most challenging skill we have worked on yet, and the mechanics of it fascinate me when I am inhibiting my initial frustration. I can't wait to get it, and I am so excited for Tuesday because I really want to practice again.  My poor, sainted husband is either running away from me or throwing himself to the floor playing possum because I keep sneaking up on/begging him to let me hip check him.

Since I seem to be on an "aquiring super powers" kick it only seems right to mention that this week Oona woke up from a nap and began walking unassisted from room to room, squawking and chattering as she went. She had never done that before. The squawking and chattering yes, and at high decibel levels. I still maintain she is quite possibly the loudest baby on the planet, but she had not been fully mobile prior to that nap. She woke, I got her out of her crib, she was twisting in my arms insisting to be put down and when her butt hit the floor she brought herself up to a stand and then off she went, exploring all the rooms of the house from her new perspective. It was if she had been walking for weeks. Holy power nap Batman.Here's hoping that one day soon I will wake up and be able to give consistent hip/body checks with no accidental elbows.

Week 6 Training

It's about 8:45 PM, and I am in a room full of women, kneeling and partnered up side by side, slamming into each other with our full side, using our legs to generate as much force as possible. The majority of us are all laughing like hyenas. Or wait, maybe that's just me and my partner, knocking each other over, cracking up when we stumble or accidentally elbow each other, asking if the other is ok, and then repeating. MANY MANY times.

I don't know what you guys did last night, but I had a blast. What a wonderful way to end my day filled with unexplainable, atomic 2 year old tantrums.

From an Alexander Technique perspective, (which any of you that know me realize it is absolutely impossible for me to look through any other eyes) it was genius of the coach to make us start the exercise on our knees before standing or skating and attempting the mechanics of it. It's tricky once you are rolling forward at a decent speed to then generate enough force to the side, impact another body, ideally make them stumble or fall but not stumble/fall yourself. Tricky, but offering just enough challenge to further fuel my addiction to this sport. Poor Alan, not only does he solo put the kids to bed when I practice, but I have been begging him all day today to let me practice checking. As an aside, our coach is amazing, and hugely inspires me, as an individual and a skater. She led her old team to 4 consecutive championships and is one of the most positive people I've met. She also mentioned bringing in a belly dance instructor for her old team to assist with learning the movements needed to perfect their booty blocking skills. Awesome.

Seriously, I can't decide what I enjoy more: slamming into someone, generating my force from the ground and speed I am skating at or being slammed into and getting to utilize every Alexander Technique opposition I have to lean into them and counter. Crazy, crazy amounts of fun. I do have to watch those elbows though...years of subway riding in NY have made me an elbow thrower and that could wind me up in the penalty box if I actually make the team. Did I mention the WFTDA test is on November 15th? Mark your calendars and keep your fingers crossed for me!

In the ongoing saga of Maraud Lebowksi and her aversion to jumping, I can tell you that I am actually making progress. Not in the sense that I would ever ask any of you to lie down and allow me to jump over you, but I'm slowly getting there. For me mechanically it really makes sense to have a good speed going, maintain my derby stance (or monkey for my Alexander friends), release a bit deeper into my leg joints, use a teeny bit of arms and just pick my knees up to my stomach, ankles maintaining flexion, feet flat underneath me. Although every fiber of my being repeatedly tells me not to do this, it's much easier if I can inhibit that instinct and just go for it, eliminate the doubts I have. If you ever attempt this, never look down. Eyes forward, looking where you are going, which is the best place for your focus just in straight skating as well.

And eyes forward, directly towards my beer and perhaps a warm epsom bath is where I am headed tonight my friends. Till Sunday!